


At Peace

by inarizakis



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, I don't know what this is about, M/M, SakuAtsu, hope you enjoy though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-12
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-19 09:27:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29997291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inarizakis/pseuds/inarizakis
Summary: Miya Atsumu is far from being the epitome of peace, and Sakusa Kiyoomi knows that.
Relationships: Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi
Comments: 2
Kudos: 19
Collections: SakuAtsuAngstWeek





	At Peace

**Author's Note:**

> Don't know what this is about so please bear with me.
> 
> Barely proofread, hahaha. But this is my first entry for SakuAtsu Angst Week this year. As usual, hopefully it isn't my last.
> 
> Uh, enjoy!

It wasn’t like Kiyoomi didn’t expect for this to happen.

He knew the consequences of his actions way before this whole thing had actually happened. He was aware of what he was doing, and he knew what he was asking for, yet somehow, the searing pain that somehow found its way to his heart wouldn’t leave. It was as if the feeling had occupied the spaces of the muscle freely, living as if it was at home – comfortable, and at peace.

At peace.

If Kiyoomi were to describe what kind of feeling Miya Atsumu had given him during all the times they were together, he would definitely say: at peace. It was a complete contrast, a paradox, to what the both of them show whenever people like Osamu were present. One would be the countless, incessant bantering about the most useless things, like how it would be cool if Kiyoomi owned a sanitizer that smelled like his favorite food, Umeboshi. Atsumu had told him that he would have loved to have a sanitizer that smelled like his respective favorite, which was Fatty Tuna.

Osamu, if he did not have any ounce of restraint, he was so sure that he would have vomited right then and there at the thought of his stupid brother’s suggestions. Did Atsumu bump his head on the way here? Osamu’s rice-tainted hands grabbed a small amount of rice, balling it into the palms of his hands. He was very much ready to throw a ball of rice at his brother. Why, you ask? Because his brother was embarrassing himself in front of someone like Sakusa Kiyoomi, but let’s be real, he couldn’t. Osamu couldn’t bring himself to throw it to his brother.

As much as he did want to, Osamu really couldn’t. This was only because he had witnessed with his own two eyes that Sakusa Kiyoomi, the usually stoic man that his brother brought at Onigiri Miya, was entertaining him and actually showing an ounce of emotion, for once. He didn’t mean to make it sound like Kiyoomi was a robot devoid of emotion, but it was a new sight to see for him. To Osamu, it felt like he just discovered the Eighth Wonder of the World, and he knew that it was the same for his brother.

Atsumu, whenever the both of them had conversations, would always tell him that his ‘Omi-Omi’ told a really funny joke today, and it had him cracking up like a hyena. When Osamu asked his brother what the joke was about, Atsumu would gladly tell him, ripping up the joke the best way he can, laughing hysterically after, hunched down as his body ripples from how bad he was shaking from hysterics, arms wrapped around his stomach as he watched his brother contain himself.

Osamu could only stand there, watching his idiot of a brother, lips forming a straight line as his eyes were trained on his brother’s figure, who was laughing at a joke that wasn’t anything funny. Maybe it was an inside joke between his brother and Kiyoomi, or maybe Osamu just didn’t really find it funny at all.

The younger brother didn’t really know. He doesn’t know what’s the score between his brother and Sakusa Kiyoomi, but if he were to describe the look on Atsumu’s face whenever he was in the same vicinity, same space with him, it was most definitely: at peace.

Now, in the current, present time, the weather wasn’t the best – it wasn’t ideal.

The sun’s usual bright rays were hidden beneath a plethora of nimbus clouds, the same ones looming over a large fraction of the city, its tall buildings and its citizens. Kiyoomi’s eyes were flitting from one person to another, watching them, at the park, scramble to get their umbrellas from their bags. Based on the look on their faces, if not all, most of them were looking frantic, panicked etched on their faces as realization had dawned upon them. The realization was that, they did not bring their umbrellas, and Kiyoomi wanted to laugh at that. It was simply because he was in the same situation, the only difference is that, he didn’t mind if the rain came and made him wet his clothes. He didn’t mind if the rain came and made him dirty and saggy.

Kiyoomi prided in his cleanliness, of course. He was hygienic, and he believed that he was keeping himself safe from whatever disease that could be out there in the world. He was aware that becoming sick is inevitable, and it was actually a way to know that his immune system was working, but he just did not like being sick.

Although right now, all thoughts of hygiene and cleanliness were nowhere to be found.

He did take the time to wipe the wooden bench he was now sitting on. Kiyoomi used two wet wipes at least before throwing it into the bin nearby. Once he was satisfied with how clean it was, Kiyoomi decided to go and people watch. He swears it wasn’t an intention to be creepy, but it was only because he was lonely – he had nothing better to do.

Better to watch people do things idly, enjoy their time together, instead of him being alone with his own thoughts.

Thoughts of him and Atsumu that is.

It was still considered as a rarity whenever Kiyoomi makes peace with himself and decides that this time, maybe it was alright to go outside. The world contains a lot of things, more on bad than good, and Kiyoomi didn’t want to see the bad sides, but was the feelings he’s having right now considered as a faction of it?

Kiyoomi could only sigh.

He knew he was the one in the wrong, the one who made a big mistake.

Why did he even think that it was okay to tell Atsumu that they were better off as friends when his heart knew better?

One time he uses his mind in this game called love, and he ends up losing.

Truth be told, Kiyoomi didn’t really get to be honest with his feelings. He was in love with the blond, rambunctious boy that gave him a multitude of feelings. Loving Atsumu was easy, because what’s there not to love? He might be a little rough on the edges, having the temper of a volcano, that is, but it was something Kiyoomi handled very well. Atsumu wasn’t perfect, he was the opposite of serenity and tranquility that Kiyoomi had always been comfortable with, but somehow, for some unknown reason, to him, he was.

He was perfect. Kiyoomi was at peace with him.

But hey, he wanted to ask.

Were they really better off as friends?

Did he really, intentionally ask to fall in love with Miya Atsumu?

Is this some kind of smack cam, telling him that he was a sore loser for potentially losing the love of his life?

Kiyoomi could only shake his head at the questions that swarmed his thoughts. They were like bees continuously buzzing, a sound that he couldn’t seem to get rid of.

It was sad – it was more than sad, it was melancholic. Because he had to pretend most of the time that he was fine, when he wasn’t. Sakusa Kiyoomi was an expert at concealing his feelings.

Well, maybe not today.

The rain had started to fall. The tiny droplets of rain had started to prick the surface of Kiyoomi’s skin as well as every single part of his body, yet, he made no sign of moving, staying in his position, ever so somber. He decided that maybe it was best to let the rain and his tears mix together, at least it won’t be obvious that he’d been crying, right?

Him getting sick with the flu shouldn’t be that bad, right? Being ill was the last thing on his mind right now. Kiyoomi just wanted to cry, let the tears slip past his eyes and down towards his cheeks; to let it all out, and he did, he really did. There was no point in hiding himself in the rain, anyway. What is there to show? Other than being a stupid, impulsive idiot who was crying in the rain. Well, what can he do anyway? His heart was hurting. The pain he had that day was still the same pain he had carried today. His heart was yearning. He wanted to see one person but he couldn’t. Kiyoomi knew that it wasn’t that easy – nothing in life was easy anyway, it was difficult, always hurling trials and tribulations as if he was strong. He wasn’t, he wasn’t.

He did like to think that he was, but he wasn’t. Kiyoomi was only a person, and the one person that made him think that he was capable of taking on the trials of the world was Miya Atsumu, but where was the latter now?

Kiyoomi threw him away. He knew he lost his chance in being, at least, friends with him. He already threw the opportunity of them being together. What can he do now?

Nothing.

Nothing, just nothing.

Just cry it all out.

Yeah, it would be much better.

Who needs Miya Atsumu anyway? People come and go, Kiyoomi knew that, so why did losing Atsumu hurt this much?

The rain somehow stopped crashing on him, harsh droplets no longer felt on his skin, which was a surprise, considering Kiyoomi could still hear the rumbling of the heavens and the downpour ringing in his ears. His hands reach up, shaking lightly, wiping the never-ending wetness that continuously stains his cheeks from the rain and his tears. And after he does, he looks up.

Much to his surprise, wide eyes looking at the figure in front of him, the person whom Kiyoomi had thought he had lost was right in front of him, holding an umbrella to prevent him from getting rained on any further.

Atsumu finally starts to speak, and despite the stentorian rains, Kiyoomi hears him perfectly. “Why are you crying, Omi-kun?” Atsumu asks him, tilting his head as he stared at him. He was curious, after all. It wasn’t all the time you see Sakusa Kiyoomi, looking like he had witnessed something enormously bad for him to look like that. It was an upsetting sight to Atsumu, seeing his friend letting himself get drenched in the rain.

It made him curious, upset, a multitude of emotions playing in his heart as he stared at the latter before approaching him. “Nothing,” was Kiyoomi’s curt response, shaking his head as he wiped his tears once more. Atsumu had enough of this, if Kiyoomi was crying this bad, then the only scenario he could think about was that particular moment, when Kiyoomi had decided they would be better off as friends.

Did he regret it?

“You can stop pretending now,” Atsumu says, sitting right beside Kiyoomi. The bench was wet with rain, and his sweatpants were immediately soaked, but Atsumu didn’t mind. It was better to be with Kiyoomi, get sick with him than let him pity himself in the rain, all alone. “I might have an idea why you’re crying right now, but couldn’t you do it at home?” Kiyoomi laughs at his, because Atsumu had a point, he could have cried at home, but no, he decided it would be best to make a fool out of himself in the middle of a park while it was raining.

“Come on, Omi,” Atsumu nudges his friend. As much as it had pained him to only be friends with Kiyoomi right now, it was, maybe, for the best. “It’s just me, there’s no need to lie and pretend you’re okay,” he says. “You can tell me what’s wrong.”

“There’s no need to tell you, Miya,” Kiyoomi responds, and Atsumu looks at him, the former’s eyes and nose red from all the crying. “I’m fine.”

“No, you’re really not,” was Atsumu’s firm reply. “I’ll leave you if you want to, Omi-kun, if that’s what you want.”

Kiyoomi wanted to say no, he really did. But if Atsumu stayed beside him any longer, he would absolutely have a full breakdown. He didn’t want Atsumu to witness this side of him anymore, and as much as Kiyoomi yearned for his presence, it was for the best.

“Yeah,” was Kiyoomi’s curt response.

“You can leave, ‘Tsumu.”


End file.
